Whenever our partner is distressed, it is natural to tell them not to worry, things are, or will be, alright. Or, we solve their problem. However, if we do this, we send a message that we aren’t listening, aren’t understanding, and maybe that we’re dismissive. We may unintentionally send the message that we don’t think our partner is capable.
Problem-solving can come down the track a bit. First, we need to make sure your partner knows we understand them. Probably the easiest way to convey this is by reflecting to them what you hear they’re trying to say. Like this: “Sorry to hear you had such a hard day with that difficult team at work. I’d feel pretty exhausted dealing with them. How are you feeling? Talk to me about it. I’m listening”.
If your partner is angry with you, open your response by indicating you’re sorry and then ask them what they need from you. Like this: “I’m sorry for forget to put out the garbage. I guess you’d like me to be more responsible. Have I got that right?”
Remember, understanding must be expressed before we give advice. and, inviting your partner to tell you more about a situation will benefit. That’s a good “sliding door moment” to emotionally connect with them.